Summer-- what a bummer :*(

SUMMER

The time of passion for fashion, going to the beach in your new hot body wearing your new bikini, hooking up with guys, partying every day from June - August, and finding a job-- sound familiar?? I guess summer goals do get a bit cliche-ish now lately.
But, am I just from another planet or what? THESE ARE THE TOTAL OPPOSITE OF what I'm doing now.
Most of my summer has been involved with going to Barnes & Noble, working out at the gym (without much results yet), writing a bunch of weird things, like this, exactly,)) reading, studying for SAT and other things like AP tests (which I'm not really doing lately) like a dress I wore myself out right after I bought it and it's piled on my desk with some other junk I possess, anddd a bunch of weird research for my "novel" which I don't even know if I'll finish. It's in a very elementary state right now and my ideas are pretty far-fetched. I have an outline and all, but I don't know what & how to write about it to get to the climax of the story... It pretty much is a jumble of mess. But still, I know that it takes forever for even adult writers and very respectable writers to get their work published. Mine, I dunno, lol. I secretly wish that it'll be on New York's Best seller's list. But that's very... uhm, unlikely now. I just have a couple of pages so far. Weird & random, totally unrelated and stringy.
Right now, I'm up at nearly 7 in the morning. I've been up since TWO A.M. and couldn't go to bed since. I went outside at about 6:20 AM and geez, it was so humid already. I could feel the icky moist all over my body in a matter of seconds. I stepped out took a deep breath and ewww yuck- that didn't feel too great- felt like I was in a steam room, anyways, the birds were chirping already, the skies were blue, and to the south I saw a beautiful crescent moon and I believe, the North star too :) Amazing. There are terrific scenery skies here but my bulky digital camera can't just capture the beauty. I wish I had a better/ nice camera, but I don't have that much money to spare, as I'm still saving & jobless as well. D:
Oh, and btw, I've been looking for scholarships and whatnot, but the thing is, most of them are after school starts, but I feel just hopeless. Too many- way too many competitors for those Big Daddy prizes. I should level down a bit, but then I kind of think it's a big waste of time -- better to have something than nothing though, right? Yeah, but those are harder to find- most are local -- how in the world do you discover them though??? When I 'google' it, I come up with old dates from 2007 or 2003. Too late, who cares now.
I don't think I'm going to be able to workout this morning. I don't really feel like it now, and com'mon it's SATURDAY... but then, I took a rest on Thursday, lol ;P
Oh well. Yesterday, I ran 5K on the tread mill. Dude, it was pretty tough. I haven't been running that far in months. I did a test 5k on Monday and got 32 minutes- I really felt like I was trying hard and my heart rate was like 180 something even though I was trying to cool down. Crazy. Anyways, yesterday, it took a little longer and I struggled through it with a 35:46 or something like that. Yea, suppppper slow. I know. Totally. My goal is to shoot for a 25 min. 5K by... uhm. July 10th or somewhere along those lines. I have all these excuses why I'm so slow.
I carry all this extra luggage in my trunk, have Morton's toe from genetics, am a female overpronator. And then I complain that my knees, Achilles tendon, ankle, "Oh, geez, I can't breathe," "I'm too tired," "I'll get to it next time" crap. Gosh, I'm such a sissy.
Whoah, it's morning now. Dang, it takes me like 30 minutes to type all this stuff. Why do I even post this stuff online... I must be so bored that I would want to share all my thoughts with random people I have no clue about.
Uhm, my goals for today... write more of my 'novel' , read some chapters for the summer course work, uhm... I don't know what else. Time really seems to fly and I feel like I'm wasting a lot of it. I want to get more than just education out of my life. I don't want to just live to advance our sosciety... Seriously, after I'm dead, it doesn't really matter. And would many people respect the contributions I make? No, not really, they'll take it for granted unless it's some life-saving invention like making a new colony on Mars before humans *cough, Americans mostly and other wealthy nations, cough* destroy the world by overeating/processing meat, depleting the world's resources, and just changing the nature of things by like 2050. Maybe there'll be a WWIII with N. Korea testing out all their ammunition. Maybe he wants to destroy the world. Maybe he wants to just scare everyone off. Maybe he just lived like that all his life and it would seem useless to abandon all his life's work. Who knows, only God knows for sure what's in that man's mind to alter his people from their full capabilites and control their lives. When will God's presence even be recognized by them? Do they even know about God's existence? Technically, communism is their forced 'religion' they have to abide by or else, ... I don't want to go in detail with that... 10 minutes have passed now.
So... a seed contains all the potentials of the seed before it even begins to grow. It contains the ingredients of the 'plant' and only matures with the right conditions. (( Like a grape seed can't become an apple tree & bear apples and vice versa. )) Okay, then what if the seed is immature or lacks all the nutrients/ ingredients/ capabilites to mature..? Then would it be bound to become fruitless? Figuratively, merely a vegetable? It would be impossible to make it what it should become... God knows what's bound to happen to all the people in this world. He created them and know what they're capable of. Why would he create all these vegetables then? What purpose does that give? I mean, it offers the seeds to bear fruit and all, but they do have feelings and emotions- they are still a soul, right??
Man, I don't even know what my point is because I don't even make any sense. (10 minutes have passed and I'm struggling to portray my views)
I have a whole lot to talk about, and I'll get to that on another post. (Total time of writing ~ 50 minutes ;; crazy how time flies like this? I told you so that it goes by quickly in a glimpse.)